The Lord of the Fairy
by Lil' Bombchu
Summary: NOTE: Had to replace a couple of chapters, cuz something messed up with the documentation thingy. R&R!
1. THE NOT SO LONG EXPECTED PARTY

LORD OF THE FAIRY  
  
Chapter 1  
THE NOT SO LONG EXPECTED PARTY  
  
Lil' B: Hello my friends, this fanfiction is about the cast of the Zelda games playing the cast from the LotR movies. Hope you enjoy! Or else, FEEL MY SQUIRRLY WRATH YOU ACURSED FOREST IMPS!!!  
  
Bunny Hooded Bombchu: This fic has been revised by ME!! Lil' Bombchus sister!! So when he burns, it'll be with good grammer!!

CAST:  
  
Link = Frodo  
  
Little Link (LL) = Sam  
  
Rauru = Bilbo  
  
Darunia = Gandalf  
  
Ganon's eye = Sauron  
  
Ganondorf = Sarumon  
  
Tatl = Merry  
  
Teal = Pippin  
  
Deku Tree = Treebeard  
  
Nabooru = Aragorn  
  
Ruto= Legolas  
  
Saria = Gimli  
  
Stalfos = Orcs  
  
Skullkid = Gollum and Smeagol  
  
Mido= Borimir  
  
Tingle= Farimir  
  
ReDead = Ringwraith  
  
Hot Elf Dude (hed) = Arwen  
  
Gay Woman Person (gwp)= Eowyn  
  
Sorry the list is so long!!! ;;;  
  
In the village of Kakiriko, the small boy, Link, was waiting for a friend of his to come for his uncle's birthday. Finally after a long wait, a small cart slowly made its way up the road.  
  
Link: You're late.  
  
Darunia: No I'm not. I can come whenever I want to. I'm a wizard!  
  
Link: You're still late.  
  
Darunia: Shut up and get in the cart! (zaps Link with creepy powers)  
  
Link: I wan't you to tell me everything you've seen in your travels!!!  
  
Darunia: Do you have all night?  
  
Link: No.  
  
Darunia: Too bad.  
  
Link: Look! Kids!  
  
Sure enough a group of young children were chasing the cart.  
  
Cute little kids : It's Darunia!! YAY!! FIREWORKS!!!  
  
But the cart keeps moving.  
  
Cute little kids: Awwwww.....  
  
But suddenly a explosion of fireworks came from the back of the cart.  
  
Cute little kids: YAAAY!!!!!!!!!  
  
But suddenly a firework went out of control and zoomed off to the childrens school, causing it to burst into flames.  
  
Cute little kids: YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!! BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN!  
  
Darunia: Oops.  
  
Link: Uhh...I'll see you later! (runs away)  
  
Later (after being chased by an angry mob) Darunia finally came to a stop in front of Rauru's house. (BLAH BLAH BLAH! YOU'VE HOPEFULLY SEEN THE MOVIE!)  
  
Later at Rauru's birthday party...  
  
LL: (hic) I think that (hic) you might need (hic) another beer! I mean can you say being drunk is fun???  
  
Link: And can you say "gonna need aspirin in the morning?"  
  
LL: Hey, wheres Tatl and Teal?  
  
Meanwhile, searching through Darunia's cart were the fairies Tatl and Tael.  
  
Teal: Hey look at this firework. It looks like a telletubby.  
  
Tatl: OH LORD! DONT TOUCH THAT!!!  
  
Teal: Why not?  
  
Tatl:(shiver) Second grade. Birthday party. Bad memories. IT ATE THE PLUNGER! THE WHOLE PLUNGER! THE CLOWN HAD A FREAKIN FLAME THROWER!!!!!!  
  
Teal: Okay, okay not that one. how 'bout ...this one? ( holds up random firework)  
  
Tatl: Okay that one.  
  
A few minutes later, the fairys evil plot had succeeded back at the party, as a giant firework appeared in the sky and it was (urp) Darunia in a bikini! Everyone was screaming as the giant firery goron made its way towards the party. (Okay so it wasn't in the book.)  
  
Link: Run Rauru! It's Darunia in a bikini!  
  
Rauru: No way! That hasn't happened since my Christmas party.  
  
But the giant Darunia suddenly exploded into a beautiful fireworks display.  
  
Tael: That was good. Lets get another one.  
  
Suddenly they were grabbed by their wings by Darunia.  
  
Darunia: I should have known...Tatl and Tael... wash..dishes...now.  
  
Fairys: But...  
  
Darunia: WASH NOW!!!  
  
(Meanwhile)  
  
LL: Dude I'm drunk! TOTALLY DRUNK!!! (hic)  
  
Link: LL stop drinking! people are staring.  
  
LL: WELL THOSE &#$!!?!# CAN STARE ALL THE #$!!?! THEY (hic) WANT (hic)!!!  
  
Link: Shush Rauru is saying his speech.  
  
Rauru had walked on stage.  
  
Rauru: I dont know half of you all half as well as I want to halfly...uh...oh who cares! Screw the speech, I'm leaving!  
  
Then suddenly he vanished followed by gasps and screams (and barfing in LL's case). Later, Link had arrived at his home were Darunia was sitting by the fire.  
  
Link: He's left hasnt he?  
  
Darunia: He has.  
  
Link: I wonder if he left me anything...  
  
Link walks over to a conveniently placed computer. He clicked on the e- mail icon.  
  
Computer: You've got doom.  
  
Then the printer suddenly exploded reaviling a small fairy.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Lil B': I hoped you enjoyed! (To himself) I'm on to you Fed ex! I know whats in those packages you deliver. YOUR IN LEAGE WITH THE FOREST IMPS! Oh yeah and look out for chapter 2 and dont flame me! 


	2. THE TEENAGE GIRL SPELL OF DOOM!

LORD OF THE FAIRY  
Chapter 2  
THE TEENAGE  
GIRL SPELL OF DOOM!  
  
Lil' B: Hello, its me again.  
  
Audience: BOOO!!! You stink!  
  
Lil B: SHUT UP!!! This chapter is shorter than the last one, so enjoy! (muttering to himself) Filthy little forest imps... they will pay, THEY WILL ALL PAY!!! I need more prescription...  
  
BHB: Revised by his older sister, so at least he won't crash and burn without good spelling.  
  
CAST:  
  
Link = Frodo  
  
Little Link (LL) = Sam  
  
Rauru = Bilbo  
  
Darunia = Gandalf  
  
Ganon's eye = Sauron  
  
Ganondorf = Sarumon  
  
Tatl = Merry  
  
Tael = Pippin  
  
Deku Tree = Treebeard  
  
Nabooru = Aragorn  
  
Ruto= Legolas  
  
Saria = Gimli  
  
Stalfos = Orcs  
  
Skullkid = GollumSmeagol  
  
Mido= Borimir  
  
Tingle= Farimir  
  
Redead = Ringwraith  
  
Hot Elf Dude (hed) = Eowyn  
  
Gay Woman Person (gwp)= Arwen  
  
BHB: Once again, REVISED BY ME!! Woo!  
  
The printer had just exploded after Rauru's party, and out came...NAVI!!  
  
Navi: Hi! Im Navi the fairy, and I'm the one fairy... TO RULE THEM ALL!!! And I like to possess stupi... I mean... I like to make people happy! SO BE HAPPY OR I'LL SLIT YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A WRIST!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(gasp)HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH(gasp) I'm also like a living breathing form of an Apocolipse! Hey! You know what? Apocolipse sounds just like panda! I love pandas! Pandas, pandas, pandas! I WANT A PET PANDA, NOW!!!  
  
Link: AAAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!  
  
Darunia: Oh lord...  
  
Navi: Pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas, pandas.MY EYES BURN WITH THE FIRES OF A THOUSAND EVILS!!!  
  
Suddenly, LL jumps in through the window and starts doing the chicken dance.  
  
LL: WEEEE!!! I'm still drunk, so turn me into something unnatural Mister Darunia!  
  
So there is Darunia standing in the middle of all the chaos, wondering why he ever got involved with weirdoes. Then he noticed that a squirrel had climbed in through the window.  
  
Darunia: Hmmm. Must... resist... chaotic... impulse...  
  
But he couldn't resist. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a chainsaw and handed it to the squirrel.  
  
Darunia: Yes my minion be FREEEE!!!  
  
He rushed out of the house after leaving a note about going to the inn of the Galloping Epona, and started to make his way toward Iliklard (snigger) Isengard (snigger) riding his mighty dodongo.  
  
Darunia:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........(gas p).........(gasp)...........(gasp)...(faints)  
  
(back with Link, after allot of walking, they arrive at the inn of the Galloping Epona)  
  
LL: DUDE I'M DRUNK AGAIN!!!! AGAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNN!!!!!  
  
LL and Tatl and Teal start singing.  
  
When the Russians invade, we'll all play croquet, and do the German polka! When the English men come, we'll drink lots of rum, and do the German polka! 1, 2, 3, POLKA!  
  
LL: What's wrong, Link?(hic) Why aren't you making (hic) a mockery of (hic) yourself in public (hic) like Tatl and (hic) Tael?  
  
Link: I'm worried about Darunia. Why didn't he meet us?  
  
LL: I'm sure he's (hic) fine.  
  
Meanwhile, Darunia and Ganondorf had both been hit with the TEENAGE GIRL SPELL OF DOOM!!!!  
  
Darunia: (Girly voice) Oh no you didn't!!!  
  
Ganondorf : (Girly voice) don't go there girlfriend!!!  
  
Darunia: (painting his nails)(Girly voice) Like, oh my god! I like, broke a nail!  
  
Back at the Golloping Epona...  
  
Link: Oops I tripped!  
  
Then Navi slipped out of his pocket and Link tried to pull himself up by grabbing her. But when his hand squeezed the fairy he vanished!  
  
Lil B: Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, don't flame, Fedex, Fedex, watch out for chapter 3, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, Fedex, BEWARE ME!!! 


	3. BIG NOSES, ON GOOD PEOPLE!

Chapter 3  
BIG NOSES ON GOOD PEOPLE  
  
Lil B: Woohoo! Chapter 3! I've made it this far! (Takes out stuffed bombchu and Ian Ives doll)  
  
Lil B Doll: You said I couldn't do it Ian, but I did! So kiss my fiery track leaving butt!  
  
Ian doll: Oh, I'm sorry I suck! Oops, I crapped in my pants! It smells bad! And it burns my butt! EEEEWWWW!!! My middle name is Douglas!  
  
Lil B: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Twitch)  
  
CAST:  
  
Link = Frodo  
  
Little Link (LL) = Sam  
  
Rauru = Bilbo  
  
Darunia = Gandalf  
  
Ganon's eye = Sauron  
  
Ganondorf = Sarumon  
  
Tatl = Merry  
  
Tael = Pippin  
  
Deku Tree = Treebeard  
  
Nabooru = Aragorn  
  
Ruto= Legolas  
  
Saria = Gimli  
  
Stalfos = Orcs  
  
Skullkid = GollumSmeagol  
  
Mido= Borimir  
  
Tingle= Farimir  
  
Redead = Ringwraith  
  
Hot Elf Dude (hed) = Eowyn  
  
Gay Woman Person (gwp)= Arwen  
  
Guru Guru(GG) = Elrond  
  
Link just vanished.  
  
Mysterious dude in the corner: GASP!!  
  
When Link reappeared, he found himself in the girls bathroom.  
  
Link: Whoops, wrong bathroom. WHY DIDN'T RAURU TEACH ME HOW TO READ!?!?!?  
  
Suddenly, an unidentified flying frying pan came out of the shadows and knocked Link out.  
  
Later...  
  
Link: Ugh, where am I?  
  
Mysterious dude: You're in my very very expensive inn room, so don't spill anything on the carpet!  
  
Link: But the floors are made of wood!  
  
The mysterious guy is revealed to be....NABOORU!  
  
Nabooru: Shut up! How did you disappear!?  
  
The door suddenly swung open. There stood LL, Tatl, and Tael, wielding stools and a half full mug of beer, and started mercilessly beating Nabooru over the head. Except for LL who was huddled up in the corner with the mug of beer.  
  
Nabooru: STOP YOU IDIOTS!!!  
  
She happened to glance out the window and saw four ReDead heading towards the inn.  
  
Later...  
  
The four ReDead made there way towards the beds in Link's inn room and drew their spears. Then started stabbing reapeatedly at the beds. Meanwhile everyone was in Nabooru's inn room playing cards.  
  
Link: Hey... where is Tael?  
  
Then the door swung open to reveal Tael with a spear in his head.  
  
Next day. Its amazing! LL isn't drunk anymore! NOTE: LL has been drunk through all three chapters so far.  
  
LL: I don't trust this Nabooru fella. She has WAY too big a nose.  
  
Nabooru: I heard that!  
  
LL: And what a beautiful big nose it is! It reminds me of bagpipes and I LOVE bagpipes.  
  
Hours later...  
  
Tatl and Tael: The road is loooooooooooooooonggg, with a maaaannny a winding turn...  
  
Link: STOP SINGING!!!  
  
Suddenly a ReDead came out of the shadows, stabbed Link, and Some Hot Elf Dude (HED) grabbed Link and dragged him into the forest.  
  
LL: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
HED took Link over river and through the woods to grandma's house they went... but got stuck over the river with a bunch of ReDead on the other side.  
  
HED: You want him, come and claim him! (does creepy elf spell)  
  
Suddenly a horde of enraged elephants trampled the redead to the ground.  
  
Later,Link woke up to find himself in some elvish place  
  
Link: OOOOOOHHHH! shiny!  
  
Lil B: OOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'm at a writers block! Curse you FeDex CUUUUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. The Group of the Fairy

Chapter 4  
The Group of the Fairy  
  
Lil B: At this time, I would like to thank my sister, Bunny Hooded Bombchu, for editing all my chapters! Read her stuff cuz she's WAY better then me! Wait...BHB!!! YOU MESSED UP THE SCRIPT!!!  
  
BHB: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Lil B: Well she does get some credit, since she wrote most of the Council part. If you like the council, then try reading her stuff.

BHB: Aw, thanks Lil B! But I couldn't have done it without-

Lil B: Shut up! Its time for the fic!  
  
CAST:  
  
Link = Frodo  
  
Little Link (LL) = Sam  
  
Rauru = Bilbo  
  
Darunia = Gandalf  
  
Ganon's eye = Sauron  
  
Ganondorf = Sarumon  
  
Tatl = Merry  
  
Tael = Pippin  
  
Deku Tree = Treebeard  
  
Nabooru = Aragorn  
  
Ruto= Legolas  
  
Saria = Gimli  
  
Stalfos = Orcs  
  
Skullkid = GollumSmeagol  
  
Mido= Borimir  
  
Tingle= Farimir  
  
Redead = Ringwraith  
  
Hot Elf Dude (hed) =Arwen  
  
Gay Woman Person (gwp)= Eowyn  
  
Guru Guru(GG) = Elrond  
  
Carpenter Dude (cd) = Theoden  
  
Kapora Gabora (kg) = Lord of the Eagles  
  
Darunia: Link... Link... FOOL OF A HYLIAN, WAAAKE UUUUUP!!!!  
  
Link: Huh... oh Darunia. Welcome. Would you like some tea? (comes to his senses) I WAS STABBED BY A REDEAD!!! And why didn't you meet us?  
  
Darunia: I was preoccupied....  
  
FLASH BACK flash back FlAsH bAcK... On top of Ganondorf's tower.  
  
Ganondorf: Die communist!  
  
Suddenly a squirrel runs up to Darunia and takes out a chainsaw.  
  
Darunia: (to squirrel) mutter mutter (hears owl hoot) (to Ganondorf) Not today, loser!  
  
Jumps of tower and lands on Kapora Gabora, but his awesome weight sends them crashing to the ground.  
  
Darunia:(running away) AND I'M NOT A COMMUNIST!!!  
  
Present time...  
  
Link: Ohhh............................... hey! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LET LOOSE THAT SQUIRREL!!??

Darunia: Um...uh...AMNISIA DUST!! (throws talcum powder in links eyes)

Link: Talcum powder??  
  
Later...

Guru Guru: Welcome to the council of Elrond.

Darunia: What about the council of Guru Guru?

Guru Guru: Did I stutter?

Darunia: No but-

Guru Guru: Then shut up!!! Link!! Bring forth the ring!!

Link: Don't you mean Fairy?

Guru Guru: SHUT UP OR I'LL BURN ALL OF YOU!!!!

Link brings the fairy over. It's in a bottle and you can hear muffled screaming from inside.

Mido: Hmm...ITS A GIFT! A gift to the foes of Death Mountain and surrounding areas!!

Darunia: Which just so HAPPENS to be my home.

Nabooru: AND no one can wield it unless you're evil!!

Mido: But I AM evil!! Your stupid!

Ruto: Don't insult her! Shes Nabooru, daughter of....um.....yeah. Anyways, she's the heir of Gerudo Valley!!

All: GASP!!!!!

BUM BUM BUM....

Mido: But Twinrova is the Steward! And either me or Tingle will take her place!! WE DON'T NEED NABOORU!!!!

Nabooru: I turned from that path long ago. Live with it!

Darunia: The only way to go, is to destroy it! That means to throw the fairy into Death Mountain!

Guru Guru: Throw it in! Throw it in! Throw the stupid fairy in! And then when you do! We'll bow down to you!!

Link: Won't it just fly away if we throw it??

Mido: Hold her down. I'll cut off her wings!!

All: YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

Darunia: Violence is not the answer......WE'LL BURN THE WINGS OFF!!!!!!

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

Navi: I OBJECT!!

Guru Guru: OVER RULED!! I SENTENCE YOU TO BURNINATION!! Who will hold her down?

All: ........(crickets chirp)

Guru Guru: OK! Who will take her to Death Mountain?

All Except Link: OOH!! I WILL!!!!!

All start fighting.

Link: I'LL DO IT!!!!!!!!!

Darunia: I'll help you to bear this burden. Since your gonna die, anyway.

LL: I'M COMING TOO!!!!

Tatl and Tael: AND US!!!

Link: Whatever.  
  
Saria: Well, you've got my mace.  
  
Nabooru: And my sword  
  
Ruto: And my fin!  
  
Nabooru: No seriously, give us back our stuff.  
  
Link: No, never, its not what you think! (Runs away)  
  
Later  
  
Guru Guru:(thinking) They acctually think they can succeed, but I know the truth!  
  
Link: No! Wait! LL, we are not bringing beer  
  
Guru Guru: (Thinking) They think I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy! I'M THE ONLY ONE THATS NOT CRAZY!!!  
  
Saria: Do we have everything?  
  
Tail: I think so...  
  
Guru Guru: EAT BABIES!!!  
  
All stare at Guru Guru.  
  
Guru Guru: You saw nothing! (throws powder at them) Amnesia dust!  
  
Runs away.  
  
Link: Talcum powder? Again??  
  
Later  
  
Mido:(Thinking) That fairy looks really shiny!  
  
Long silence  
  
Tatl and Tael suddenly burst into song.  
  
Tatl and Tael: I like to oot, oot, oot, ooples and banoonoos! I like to eat, eat, eat, eeples and baneenees! I like to ate, ate, a-  
  
All except Tatl and Tael: SHUT UP ALREADY!!!  
  
Long silence.  
  
Mido: So... um, anyone here see the game last night?  
  
Saria: Oh yeah... Nice weather huh?  
  
Darunia:Oh yes, very nice... yeeeaaaahhh.  
  
LL: No longer drunk, I will continue my obssesion with bagpipes and all their glory!  
  
Link: Oh no, you didn't!  
  
LL: Yes I did!  
  
Takes out bagpipes  
  
Link: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!  
  
Later  
  
Darunia: Mountains!  
  
Saria: Mines!  
  
Darunia: Mountains!  
  
Saria:MINES!  
  
Darunia: MOUNTAINS!  
  
Both start fighting  
  
Link: I like mines!  
  
Darunia: In yo face!  
  
Later  
  
Darunia: There is a riddle on the door! "What is the best thing in the world?"  
  
Mido: I know this one! Uuuuhhh.... pengiun... legs...  
  
Door starts to open.  
  
All: YAY!  
  
Later  
  
Darunia: I have no memory of this place...  
  
LL hits him on the head with a frying pan.  
  
Darunia: Oh! Its that way!  
  
Lil B: What will happen next? I don't know... maybe I'll just leave you hanging at the best part! Well any way we all know whats gonna happen to Darunia! Watch out for chapter 5!!! OR ELSE... Fedex!


	5. Problems During Progress

Chapter 5  
  
Lil B: Yay! This is a special edition chapter, about how I got the idea for "The Lord of the Fairy" And here to help me is my new partner Skullkid!  
  
Skullkid: Hail all that is cheese, or you will be melted and put on nachos.  
  
Lil B: Riiight... lets begin! It all started in 1779.  
  
Skulkid: 2003  
  
Lil B: Whatever. Anyway, it all started when I was eagerly waiting for "The Return of the King" to come out in theaters, then the idea was born....... naked and screaming.  
  
Skullkid: Eeeeeewwww!!!  
  
Lil B: Shut up! Then I started on the cast.  
  
AUDITIONS FOR SAM  
  
Zelda: I want to get drunk!  
  
Lil B: Good, but why do you think you should be Sam?  
  
Zelda:BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T PUT ME IN THIS WHOLE FREAKIN FAN FICTION!!!  
  
Lil B: Next!  
  
LL: (hic) hi i'm (hic) here to (hic) audition (hic)  
  
Lil B: Well I dont know-  
  
Skullkid: your hired!  
  
Lil B: As you can see the auditions were a bit  
  
Skullkid: Mishapen!  
  
Lil B: Yeah sort of... anyway,  
  
Skullkid: Halitosis!  
  
Lil B: Next we did some fight scenes.  
  
Helms Deep  
  
Nabooru is fighting a stalfos and falls 400 feet off helms deep onto spiky rocks that burst into flames.  
  
Lil B: More problems.  
  
Skullkid: Problems galore!  
  
Lil B: Saria was sent to the hospital 36 times!  
  
Scream is heard from back stage  
  
Skullkid: 37.  
  
Lil B: Then we had to give Navi an operation to give her the power to make people invisible, so we did, but my scientist lost the instructions on how to use Navi... so they guessed.  
  
A group of monkeys are sitting at a table.  
  
Monkey1: So how should the visibility be activated?  
  
Monkey3: By giving her 50 bucks!  
  
monkey5: No you-  
  
monkey3: Hijack a bus!  
  
monkey1: Thats it!  
  
All except Monkey3 take tranquilizer guns and shoot Monkey3, then the door opens.  
  
Navi: Ive got pizaaaAAAHHHHHH!!!  
  
Monkey3 falls on her, squeezing her against the ground and he disapears  
  
Monkey: Ohhhhhh... so thats it... you throw a tranquelized monkey at her!  
  
Lil B: God they're stupid.  
  
Skullkid: psssst... pssssssssst!!!  
  
Lil B: What!?  
  
Skullkid: ...psssssssssssssssssss(gasp)ssssssssssssssssssssssssstttt!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lil B: Right... well thats it for now!  
  
Skullkid: Goodbye! 


End file.
